So far, so good for October spending. I filled my car with gas and had to purchase some needed household supplies yesterday. Electricity and phone bills will hit soon and I will have to pay a monthly medical statement as well as my lawn mowing guy.
I think that October will be more spendy than the last two months, but I hope to have some leftover money that I can put towards paying off my bathroom renovation. I still owe almost $2700 to the guy who did it and have been paying $500 a month since June. The project went way over budget and he was willing to accept monthly payments, but I feel bad about it and should just bite the bullet and pay it off ASAP. My goal is to be finished by the end of the year. I've never actually sat down and added up the total renovation cost - it just seems too overwhelming, but maybe someday.
The $1,895.25 check for my property taxes cleared, so now my checking account balance is a true reflection of available funds for October. My next two October paychecks will then be applied towards November expenses.
October non-bill spending so far:
Gas $33.79
Birthday lunch with friends $12.10 (I just noticed this charge on my card which was supposed to be $14.60 including tip. I was really stressed from work that day and must have written the tip and total only on my copy of the receipt. Ugh - I don't like to stiff waiters! I may try to get to the restaurant this week and drop off $3 for the guy.)
Kitty litter $12.70 (2 20lb jugs on sale) - this should last for a while, although I may get some more before the sale ends. But, do I want to have money tied up in stockpiled kitty litter? It does go on sale fairly regularly.
Dish sponge $1.05
The rest of this week should be low spend. I will be working a lot towards two days of big work events on Thursday and Friday. I have plenty of food on hand that needs to be consumed. I should go to TJ M@xx for a new outfit to wear for at least one of the event days, but am hoping I can pull something appropriate from my closet. I'm not in the mood to shop.
My mom called yesterday to let me know that a mass was found in her breast during a recent mammogram. She is having a biopsy on Tuesday and the results will take a week. I feel so sad and upset. She's 81 and I know that every day is a gift at this point, but I wasn't expecting breast cancer to appear at this late stage of life. I don't know if someone her age can even go through cancer treatments. Losing my mom will be devastating for me. I'm single with no children and she is the person that I'm closest to, even though we only see each other two to three times a year.
Since turning 50 in 2014 and losing a few friends to accidents and diseases this year, I have been grappling with my own aging and mortality, the unpredictability and fragility of life, not to mention having serious regrets about past decision and many roads not taken. I have struggled with depression for my entire life and spent many years quite frozen and just let time pass by without taking action on my own behalf. Now I feel very alone in the world and have no direction or goals, I'm basically just living day to day. And something like my mom's health news has the potential to shut me down again.
I ended up binge watching tv shows and movies on my laptop while eating comfort foods all day and late into the night yesterday, which I haven't done in a long time. I hope I can find the strength to help myself stay focused on reality and maintaining healthy habits and avoid getting lost once again.
Finances are related to all of this because since I don't have specific goals that I'm working towards, I fritter away money rather than use it to make things happen in my life. I've always had a vague notion of retiring early, so I generally "saved" money, but didn't really believe that I could ever pull it off, so didn't create a plan and fully commit.
Signing up for YNAB and really looking at my financial situation has been a step toward figuring out how to decide what's next. For as long as I'm alive, I'm going to continue to grow older and will have to make decisions with that reality in mind. Where do I want to live? What do I want to do with my time? How long will I need to work? How do I live in a way that's satisfying to me now and not only plan for the future? These are all questions that I don't have answers to and I'm not really sure how to think about them and make decisions. And I will most likely be doing all of this thinking and deciding alone.
I fear that I sound whiny so early on a Sunday morning, but these topics have been weighing heavily on my mind and I've been thinking about detailing them in my blog as a way to get thoughts out of my mind and down on "paper" to sort through. My mom's news has spurred me to start writing about it now, rather than wait.
October spending and upsetting news
October 4th, 2015 at 02:55 pm
October 4th, 2015 at 04:21 pm 1443972101
October 4th, 2015 at 05:19 pm 1443975592
October 4th, 2015 at 05:36 pm 1443976574
October 4th, 2015 at 06:02 pm 1443978164
October 4th, 2015 at 10:00 pm 1443992410
Best wishes that your mom's lump is just a lump, nothing malignant lurking about.
October 4th, 2015 at 10:19 pm 1443993557
October 5th, 2015 at 02:34 am 1444008874
October 5th, 2015 at 04:50 am 1444017015
What are your mom's living arrangements? Does she have someone to drive her to appointments? Does she know what services are available in her community? At 81 is she still making her own meals and personal care without assistance? Do you each use cell phones to talk regularly? Can mom have doctor's tech or support system text or e-mail you the pertinent facts so that you know the important details?
You can count on us for support, we'll help as much as possible.
October 5th, 2015 at 03:48 pm 1444056518
October 5th, 2015 at 10:21 pm 1444080109
October 5th, 2015 at 10:32 pm 1444080776
October 6th, 2015 at 12:53 am 1444089226
I'm going to have to see if I can get her in to see her primary care doctor becus i don't think she sees a gynecologist, given her age.
I'm pretty much in the same boat as you...unmarried, no kids. You can really bring on the depression if you start dwelling on past decisions, so while I know it's not easy, try not to do that. This is one reason why I always am so busy and get so much done....I often feel if I stay busy and occupy my time, my thoughts are less intrusive.
That's what I would advise you to do...try to stay busy doing the things you need to do or enjoy doing to keep negative thoughts at bay. Thinking of you.....
October 7th, 2015 at 04:39 am 1444189151
October 8th, 2015 at 09:51 am 1444294272
October 8th, 2015 at 10:42 pm 1444340530
October 11th, 2015 at 12:29 am 1444519793